PARENTING BY EXAMPLE

Recently, History Channel broadcast the Hatfields & McCoys, a realistic representation of families that parented by example and taught two clans how to hate.

Ray Burke said, "Children will not do what the parent says, since they will do what the parents have modeled."(Burke, 1997, pg 150) Parenting by example is one of the most important training methods for rearing children. Adults must model clear, healthy behavior or they will teach self-destructive, reactive behavior.

In the Hatfield & McCoy mini-series the boys learned to fight and kill by observing the behavior of their fathers. Dr. Phil added this insight. "The most powerful role model in any child's life is the same-sex parent. It's a fact that children learn vicariously by observing the behavior of others and noting the consequences of their actions. They watch what happens to family members when they succeed or fail and those experiences become a reference for how they live. This is known as modeling."

In the clans, Hatfield & McCoy, the boys observed their father’s actions and they were emboldened to follow their example. The boys saw that their dads were rarely held legally responsible for their actions. While they did receive strict punishment from the opposing family that retaliation was just another example of lawlessness. It only proved that the legal system was powerless to hold them accountable. There were no outside-the-clan consequences.

Children need to see examples of proper behavior in both actions and words.

Doris Gaines Rapp Copyright 2012.
To read the remainder of the article, go to the Suite 101, the on-line magazine where it was first published.
http://suite101.com/article/parenting-by-example---no-hatfields-or-mccoys-just-real-folks-a408257

IS YOUR CHILD BULLIED

Bullying is a very serious problem in schools today. We could speculate on many of the causes. As you think about cause, comment on this post and we will get a dialogue going. This is my first suggestion in getting it stopped.

1. Write a complaint of bullying letter to the principal of your child's school. If you need a sample letter, we will work on one together. Include your child's name, the type of bullying, who was the bullier(s), the parents' names, and the teacher(s) names(s).

2. Do not use foul language. Do not be disrespectful. Do not call others names. Do not back down.

3. Send a copy of the letter to all those named in #1. Be sure to keep a copy for yourself.

4. At the top, under the list of all those named, put the name, address and phone # of an attorney in your town you would feel comfortable contacting.

5. It costs nothing to send a letter TO your attorney, only if you ask him/her to act on your behalf.

6. If you do not get a satisfactory response from the school and the other parents, then you can contact your attorney to act on your behalf. Hopefully, the school and parents will see the seriousness of the problem and correct it before they are sued.

Let me know if this suggestion is helpful.
Doris

READING IS FUN!

Q: The state requires a passing score on a reading test or third-graders don't pass. What can I do to help my daughter?

A: Organized tutorial programs are very helpful, such as Sylvan Learning Centers  www.sylvanlearning.com and others. At home, have fun with Language Experience Stories. Use a toy, a favorite cartoon like Disney Characters (or others they have chosen), a new bird's nest, anything that interests your child.

Tell the child, "We're going to write a story about the bird (or object they have). What do you see first? That will be our first line of our story."

Together, create the story and write the first line the child creates on paper, on the computer or iPad. Then have the child read back what they just wrote. They are successful because they are their own words, their own creation. Then write the next line and so on until they have written four to eight lines, depending on their age and ability to read. They will have a feeling of mastery and will become excited about reading. Have them read their story to the other parent, grandparent, friend, younger sibling, the dog and anyone who will listen. 

Develop other stories over the next days. Keep all the stores in a three-ring binder or computer. Go  back each day to read the previous ones. Expand the number of lines in the story as the child develops reading ability.

Prompts are certainly acceptable with a cheery, "Remember, the word starts with the "ch" sound. Very good! You are a great reader!" It will become a self-fulfilling fact. They will become good readers as the success gives them confidence.

Language Experience Stories can be used with children of all ages. Adult learners would have fun with them as well.

MATH QUESTION

Q: My son still struggles in Math. He still has to pass a math skills test to get credit for his course. What can we do so near the end of the academic year?

A: There is a wonderful site for all things Math. Go to Khan Academy, a FREE tutorial supported by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.   http://www.khanacademy.org/

WELCOME TO PARENTING

Watch for first post later this week!