Recently, History Channel broadcast the Hatfields & McCoys, a realistic representation of families that parented by example and taught two clans how to hate.
Ray Burke said, "Children will not do what the parent says, since they will do what the parents have modeled."(Burke, 1997, pg 150) Parenting by example is one of the most important training methods for rearing children. Adults must model clear, healthy behavior or they will teach self-destructive, reactive behavior.
In the Hatfield & McCoy mini-series the boys learned to fight and kill by observing the behavior of their fathers. Dr. Phil added this insight. "The most powerful role model in any child's life is the same-sex parent. It's a fact that children learn vicariously by observing the behavior of others and noting the consequences of their actions. They watch what happens to family members when they succeed or fail and those experiences become a reference for how they live. This is known as modeling."
In the clans, Hatfield & McCoy, the boys observed their father’s actions and they were emboldened to follow their example. The boys saw that their dads were rarely held legally responsible for their actions. While they did receive strict punishment from the opposing family that retaliation was just another example of lawlessness. It only proved that the legal system was powerless to hold them accountable. There were no outside-the-clan consequences.
Children need to see examples of proper behavior in both actions and words.
Doris Gaines Rapp Copyright 2012.
To read the remainder of the article, go to the Suite 101, the on-line magazine where it was first published.
http://suite101.com/article/parenting-by-example---no-hatfields-or-mccoys-just-real-folks-a408257
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